The story of the Virtuous Pedophiles

The founders of the Virtuous Pedophiles movement, Nick and Ethan, recently wrote an excellent history of how the whole thing got started.  (You can also read my 2013 post about VirPed here.)  They first posted it to a listserv (Sexnet).  It's an important and interesting story, so I asked them if I could repost it here for others to have access too.

My admiration for what these people are doing in face of what they are dealt grows still.

People interested in supporting or receiving support from VirPed can contact the group at www.VirPed.org. 

— James Cantor

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The beginnings of Virtuous Pedophiles are to be found in Nick's experiences on the Sexnet listserv and the b4uact pedophile peer support group.

In 2007, after coming to terms with his pedophilic interests, Nick reached out to a Northwestern University professor by the name of Mike Bailey who was an expert on scientific issues involving sexual matters. Nick had heard of Mike from one of Mike's former students, who had indicated that Mike was open-minded and had many beliefs that were outside the norm. Mike had never entertained the idea that there might be pedophiles who were committed to avoiding sexual contact with children and was intrigued. Sometime around 2009 or 2010, Mike invited Nick to join a listserv that he hosted which was known as Sexnet. The listserv was primarily for researchers on sexual matters, though some journalists were members as well. To Nick's surprise, the group was very welcoming, and he became friendly with several leading experts on pedophilia such as James Cantor, Ray Blanchard, David Prescott, Michael Seto, Robin Wilson and Paul Federoff.

Near the time that Nick joined, Richard Kramer, the head of an organization called b4uact, also joined Sexnet. B4uact was a group of pedophiles and professionals organized to improve access and quality of therapeutic care. They had a small support group which Nick joined.

Nick did not enjoy his time with b4uact. He thought they were unnecessarily antagonistic towards scientists who had befriended him. And, in fact, Richard Kramer alienated these scientists by aggressively criticizing them for supporting the view expressed in DSM that pedophilia was properly viewed as a disorder if it caused marked distress to an individual or lead to sexual abuse of children. Nick also believed that the societal hatred attached to pedophilia could be reduced if society could be made to understand the difference between pedophilia (sexual feelings towards children) and child sexual abuse (sexual acts with children). He felt that b4uact could make progress in this area, but only if it unequivocally stated that adults should not have sexual contact with children. B4uact refused to do this because it believed this would alienate pedophiles and also, Nick believed, because many of its leaders felt that adult-child sex should be legal. After trying to get b4uact to modify its views, Nick decided the differences were too great to be bridged, and in 2011 he resigned from the organization. He had the idea of creating a website that would express the reality that many pedophiles are dedicated to (and succeed at) avoiding sexual contact with children. 

Nick began work on a website for a new organization in 2012. At the same time, Ethan Edwards, who had heard of Sexnet through acquaintances, reached out to Mike. Mike knew of Nick's project, was impressed by Ethan, and put them in contact with one another. Nick sent Ethan an early version of the website and the collaboration began. Nick found Ethan's input sufficiently valuable that he invited him in as a co-founder.

One important precursor to Virtuous Pedophiles was a 2010 column by Dan Savage, featuring a letter from a pedophile who hadn't offended and was sure he would not. The column is titled Gold Star Pedophiles. That was the original working title for the group, but Ethan in particular thought it was demeaning, the relevant gold stars being shiny worthless paper things that adults bestowed on gullible children for work well done. Nick objected to Ethan's idea of "Celibate Pedophiles" because non-exclusive pedophiles are just child-celibate, not truly celibate. We chose "Virtuous Pedophiles". The name has generated considerable controversy but on the whole has served us well. 

Nick and Ethan put most of their effort into the website before it went live in June of 2012. We also put together a support group, without much initial thought. It was a google group, which still exists as an archive. Early members of the support group included a few from b4uact who shared our values, including Gary Gibson and Craig Dahlen.

The website received a considerable amount of positive press, including important support from James Cantor, and Nick and Ethan gave several anonymous interviews. Membership in the peer support group increased. One of the group's enthusiastic members was Sammy Jenkis, who had in the past run a phpbb support group, and he put together the basics of what we have today. It came up in September of 2013 and the Google group became an archive. Anyone who really likes VP owes Sammy a big debt for bringing that to fruition when he did. We could never have grown to the size we are if we were trying to do it in a Google group.

Sammy wasn't always consistently available to maintain things, which was a source of anxiety. "Urgeless" took over those responsibilities in the summer of 2018 (phew!) and in September of that year released a new, improved version of the phpbb board that included better support for mobile devices.

A couple of other events in our history really stand out. In August, 2014, Luke Malone wrote a wonderful article featuring one of our members, Adam. As a 16 year old, Adam had formed his own group for teenage pedophiles who were committed to not abusing children. At the end of 2014, This American Life hosted an episode featuring Luke, Adam and the noted scientist Elizabeth Letourneau, who has become a friend of our group.

In August, 2014, Todd Nickerson joined the group, and in September, 2015 he wrote a tremendous piece in Salon called I'm a Pedophile But Not a Monster, which received a tremendous amount of interest. Todd has become our most effective spokesperson.

No particular date, but over the years, Gary Gibson began attending ATSA meetings and assembled a list of friendly therapists. Gary regularly refers members to therapists and is also an effective public figure. Gary has long been one of our most valued members. Adam and our moderator Brett Matthews (known by the VP username "Daywalker") represented our group at the last ATSA meeting.

Prior to our formation, ATSA, a highly regarded organization specializing in the treatment of sex offenders, had on its website this quote: "Although virtually all pedophiles are child molesters, not all child molesters are pedophiles." After getting to know us, our allies in the scientific community challenged ATSA on this, and ATSA immediately removed the quote. One measure of what VP and similar organizations have accomplished since 2011 is that we don't think any serious scientist would write that any more or believe it. The thousands of us in this group make it pretty clear that "virtually all" is not the right descriptor for how many pedophiles molest children. It's only one small step, but a significant one.

Member Eddie Chambers was featured in two documentaries—The Pedophile Next Door (2014) and I, Pedophile (2016). Unfortunately, Eddie became disenchanted with the group and left, but his contributions while here were very important.

Last, but certainly not least, would be the era of Ender. He joined the group in 2014 and quickly became a moderator and then an administrator. It's easy to lose track of just how vital and central he was to this community when he was active. He is still #3 on the all-time list of posters. His interest then waned, and he started MAP Support Chat, with the controversial (wonderful but perhaps risky) policy of letting in people as young as 13 who thought they were pedophiles. He started a blog and was very active defending virtuous pedophiles on twitter. Unfortunately, he spent so much time on pedophile related matters, and spent so much energy engaging the haters, that he burned out and disappeared from the scene. We hope he is doing well. 

It's also worth a note that every non-pedophile we mentioned is identified by their true name. Almost all pedophiles in our support group are known only by pseudonyms, including the two of us founders. Notable exceptions are Gary Gibson, Todd Nickerson, and Eddie Chambers, who in fact have helped our cause enormously by showing their faces in public, often at considerable personal cost.

One unforeseen benefit of the peer support group has been as a vital source for scientific research on pedophilia. It is the first time that a substantial group of pedophiles has come together who have not offended and are not in favor of making adult-child sex legal and accepted. Scientists make posts inviting board members to participate in anonymous, online surveys. Several published papers have emerged and others are in progress. Also, novelists, playwrights, and film-makers often ask to join so they can portray pedophiles more accurately in their fictional work.

It has certainly been quite a ride. When we first started, we thought we would put up a website expressing our views and be done with it. Seven years later we have a support group that has been joined by about 4,500 people and has hosted about 200,000 posts. We feel that we've helped a lot of people come to terms with their pedophilia. We also think that we have helped to encourage some people to avoid sexual contact with children who otherwise might have behaved inappropriately with a child. We have strong relationships with leading organizations, such as ATSA, Dunkelfeld, Stop It Now, and Stop-So, and with leading therapists and sexologists. We feel that we've helped to change the narrative around pedophilia, and that the hatred is a bit less than it was before we came on the scene. Many favorable articles have been written about our organization and non-offending pedophiles; we are unaware of any having been written before. If there were any, there were certainly very few.

We recognize, however, that the road is long and hard. Hopefully the next seven years will see even more progress than the previous seven. 

Ethan and Nick

Dear Dr. James: How can pedophiles find someone to talk about it with?

Dr. Cantor,

My name is Peter, I am 55 years old, and I am so very tired of being sexually attracted to teenage boys.  There, I said it.  I also want to say right up front that I am not a danger to myself or others.  I am not suicidal, and I am not an offender.

My entire life, I have been cursed by this attraction / orientation / compulsion / obsession / perversion.  Make no mistake, it is a curse, akin to vampirism or lycanthropy, and I want to help science solve it.  End it.  Learn to treat it.  Something along those lines.

I have friends, but no one really knows me, no one knows what I keep locked and chained in the basement of my mind.  I work, pay my bills, sometimes clean my house.  But I cannot wait until my workday is over, and I can race home, lock the door, and be safe.  I made up my mind to find someone to talk to about this, but there’s no safe way to do this, so I googled “therapy for pedophiles” and found your name and email address.

I really want to know the “why” behind my sexuality, and it is a terrible burden to realize that I most probably will never get this answer.  I feel like I live outside of normal human society.  I feel like an alien.

I would like to find someone in whom I could share my story, all of it, in the hopes that something could be learned about how this sickness takes hold.  And I’d like to donate my brain to science when I die, so that it can be researched and perhaps help in finding a key to the disease or (hoping against hope) a path towards some kind of effective treatment or cure for future people cursed with the same affliction.

I can’t talk with anyone in religion, because I refuse to believe in an invisible, imaginary, supernatural being who would ever create a life as painful and lonely as the one I have lived.  I cannot go to a local therapist because of mandatory reporting laws.  I cannot disclose this to a friend because, well, because I can’t afford to lose the few bits of human contact I have been able to nurture over the years.

I know it is folly to ask but can you help me?  Not treat me, or analyze me, or anything like that.  I know that there is no cure, only abstinence.  But help me tell my story, and maybe add a little information to the puzzle that is deviant sexuality.

At the very least, I’ve done what I promised myself I would do in 2019 – I’ve reached out.

Thank you for your time, and thank you in advance of any help you can provide.

Hello, Peter.  Congratulations on finally expressing it.  My own coming out (as gay) was hard enough, all I can do is imagine how much harder it is for you and others in your position.

The very best group I can send you to are the Virtuous Pedophiles at www.virped.org.  In case you have not already heard of them, they are other people who have come to appreciate that they are attracted to kids and support each other in remaining celibate (in some cases) or still maintaining a romantic relationship with another adult (in other cases).  You and they would all benefit from each others’ stories.  I am also posting it here (changing your identifying information) to help remind others in your position that none of you is alone.

Thank you very much for your generous (too small a word!) offer.  Unfortunately there does not yet exist a brain bank (or funding) for a project using actual brains.  I hope very much to be able to help establish such a thing.  It could be an amazing benefit to the generations that will follow you and me.  I certainly cannot not make any promises, but if I (or another scientist I find out about) ever does start such a thing, I will most certainly be doing everything I can to publicize it, including on my website, twitter account, and so on.  

I wish you the best of luck.

Dear Dr. James: Could a certain amount of pedophilic interest simply be normal for men?

This question was left as an anonymous comment for last week’s entry, Will there ever be a cure for pedophilia?  But because I receive this question so frequently, thought I'd put it here as it’s own entry...

Dear Dr. James: Could a certain amount of pedophilic interest simply be normal for men? 

Men in prehistoric times who chased after say 9 year old girls would have left behind more descendants than men who chased after 30 year old women for the simple reason that a 9 year old has many more fertile years remaining. When men in primitive societies raid and abduct females from other tribes the most highly prized are the young virgin teens and preteens for the same reason. Essentially what's happening is that men are stealing eggs off other tribes and the females with the most eggs in their ovaries are the young virgins who haven't started reproducing yet.

That comment really has two parts. The first part is a straight-forward question with a straight-forward answer: Yes, typical men do indeed show a certain (very small) amount of response to children—this has been shown repeatedly again in the lab (Blanchard et al., 2009, figures shown below). That pattern of arousal does not indicate being a pedophile, however. Although typical men sometimes respond (a bit) to children, they respond more to older persons, and the most (by far) to adults. That is, typical men strongly prefer adults over children, even if some have some non-zero level of response to children.

The second part is an idea I have heard before, but I am afraid it is based on some false information: Fertility does not start at the beginning of puberty. Indeed, fertility does not start even when menstruation starts (another common misconception). The menstrual cycle begins at an average age of 12.3 to 12.9 (Euling et al., 2008; Finer & Philbin, 2014; Herman-Giddens et al., 1997), whereas a woman’s ovaries don’t start releasing eggs until roughly three years later, on average (Apter, 1980; Metcalf et al., 1983). Although we do occasionally see instances in the media of very young girls becoming pregnant, these are, of course, the exception. Hormone studies show that human fertility starts at the low point of puberty, increasing to peak during the 20s, and decreasing again over the 30s (Ellison, Panter-Brick, Lipson, & O’Rourke, 1993).

That is, a man who focuses his energies on women in their 20s would produce more pregnancies than a man who focused those energies on women in their 30s (who are less fertile) or in their teens (and are least fertile of all).

Also arguing against the “kidnap them as girls to get all their subsequent offspring” idea is that it forgets that pedophilia is the preference for children. When such girls become adults and able to bear children, they are no longer attractive to the pedophile. Even though the now-adult could conceive children, the pedophile is more attracted to the girls who cannot. So, once again, the greater the pedophilia, the lesser the chance of successful reproduction.


References

Apter, D. (1980). Serum steroids and pituitary hormones in female puberty: A partly longitudinal study. Clinical Endocrinology, 12, 107–120.

Blanchard, R., Lykins, A. D., Wherrett, D., Kuban, M. E., Cantor, J. M., Blak, T., . . . Klassen, P. E. (2009). Pedophilia, hebephilia, and the DSM-V. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 38, 335–350.

Ellison, P. T., Panter-Brick, C., Lipson, S. F., & O’Rourke, M. T. (1993). The ecological context of human ovarian function. Human Reproduction, 8, 2248–2258.

Euling, S. Y., Herman-Giddens, M. E., Lee, P. A., Selevan, S. G., Juul, A., Sorensen, T. I. A., . . . Swan (2008). Examination of US puberty-timing data from 1940 to 1944 for secular trends: Panel findings. Pediatrics, 121 (suppl. 3), S172–S191.

Finer, L. B., & Philbin, J. M. (2014). Trends in ages of key reproductive transitions in the United States, 1951–2010. Women’s Health Issues, 24, e271–e279.

Herman-Giddens, M. E., Slora, E. J., Wasserman, R. C., Bourdony, C. J., Bhapkar, M. V., Koch, G. G., & Hasemeier, C. M. (1997). Secondary sexual characteristics and menses in young girls seen in office practice: A study from the Pediatric Research in Office Settings network. Pediatrics, 99, 505–512.

Metcalf, M. G., Skidmore, D. S., Lowry, G. F., & Mackenzie, J. A. (1983). Incidence of ovulation in the years after menarche. Journal of Endocrinology, 97, 213–219.

The 2017 SEXposium!

Hey, folks!

I just want to give a big shout out and thanks to organizers of this year’s amazing SEXposium!  They brought to Toronto  some really big names in the science of sex—including Marc Breedlove and Meredith Chivers and others—who have TED-style talks, available to the public.  It was a great program, the audiences were engaged and invigorating, and it was wonderful to see so many talented students planning to pursue this as a career!  It was a genuine pleasure to participate!

The organizer, Diana Peragine, did an amazing job.  She's a grad student in the Laboratory of Cognitive Neuro-science, Gender, and Health at the University of Toronto. I understand that this is just the second year of this project: So, I'm already pretty excited to see how it shapes up for next year!  This was truly an impressive project on a topic with no shortage of public interest!

James Cantor at the 2017 SEXposium
Royal Ontario Museum, Toronto, Ontario.

For those interested, the slides from my own talk, Pedophilia being in the brain: The evidence & the public's reaction, can be downloaded by clicking here. There was a lot of live tweeting during my talk, and I am grateful for all your comments!

Dear Dr. James: Will there ever be a cure for pedophilia?

Dear Dr. James:

I have two questions I would like answers to. First question: Why is there no cure for pedophilia attraction?  Secondly, will there ever be a cure?  I have read that white matter is one of the problems causing the disorder.  So, why can’t we just add more white matter, for example?  If we, as humans, can solve so many problems, I don't see why we shouldn’t be able to solve this one in some way in the near future.

@fadelsadel via twitter

Hi, @fadelsadel.  Thanks again for letting me share your question: I think a lot of people are interested in knowing exactly the same things!

For your first question: I think it ultimately boils down there not being any funders—either public research agency or private philanthropist—who have taken this on as a goal.  Most people (very understandably) have strong emotions when it comes to this topic, and they fear and avoid any whiff of the stigma surrounding it. However, in my experience, only little education on the topic is needed before most people recognize how much we stand to gain, and how much suffering (nevermind financial expense) stands to be saved.  We need a public health official or a Bill Gates type to recognize what could be done if we (first) just faced down the stigma of discussing this rationally.

For your second question: I could never say never.  It’s amazing to think that it was only 10 years ago that we even established pedophilia to be a neurological phenomenon at all.  Currently, it still looks like pedophilia emerges from atypical connectivity among brain regions that identify/perceive social stimuli as sexy.  If governments and research funders made a serious effort to figure out how the sex response system of the brain worked, then we might be in a better position to know which of the ever-emerging tools from neuroscience could be applied.  Moreover, the more we know about how it develops, the earlier we might be able to detect it, and the earlier something is detected, the easier it is to influence.  I want to add, however, that these are fundamentally important questions of bioethics related to the science of this topic:  Many people have discussed these issues with regard to converting homosexuals to heterosexuals, but not with regard to converting pedophiles or others whose sexual interest pattern (unlike homosexuality) cannot be enacted without risk of harm.

Although it seems logical, just adding white matter isn’t as simple as it might sound.  Brain development starts very early after conception, and it undergoes very many phases ultimately leading to each point in the brain connecting to just the right other point of the brain.  Interestingly, the infant and childhood brain is quite “over-connected.” After childhood, substantial pruning of white matter occurs.  In adulthood, brain cells (the neurons) do not divide and make new brain cells like other types of cells.  The various signals that cells used to determine the direction to grow towards are no longer present in adulthood.  So, the great complication (I predict) will be how to get each of the brain cells to connect to all the corresponding brain cells, even though the rest of the brain is no longer undergoing the series of phases that originally led to its final structure. 

The best analogy I have is that, when it is still batter, we can add chocolate to make it a chocolate cake, but after it’s baked, adding the same ingredient gives us a vanilla cake drizzled with chocolate sauce.  That said, we are outside of my real field of expertise.  This step in figuring out a cure will have to come from a conversation between a real neuroscientist on top of developments in that field and a sex researcher who describes this situation until the neuroscientist says, “Hey, that sounds just like…”.

I don’t know who those people will be or what technology that will be, but I feel confident in saying that such conversations are most likely to happen in places that foster cross-pollination between fields and offer scientists some flexibility outside of a business model, and such places are becoming increasingly rare.

[FOOTNOTE: Just for the record, I’m using the colloquial sense of the word “cure” here, as the writer meant it.  I point this out to acknowledge that there are other people who would emphasize that (1) when someone sexually prefers children, but is neither distressed by it nor poses a risk of harm to anyone because of it, then the person would not receive a diagnosis in the DSM-5 system, and (2) without there being a diagnosis, it is not clear whether one should be referring to a “cure.”]

Do child sex dolls count as child porn? Should they?

Canada and Australia now have both reported charging men with breaking child pornography laws for possession of child sex dolls (CBC News, The Independent). This has led to several discussions about whether such dolls constitute child pornography and what the relevant science says. To understand properly whether child sex dolls constitute child pornography depends on whether we mean within the worlds of science and mental health or under the law.

Scientifically, my colleagues and I have published research demonstrating that people who possess erotic or nude photographs of children are usually pedophilic. (At least, this is the case for people who have been apprehended and convicted of possession.)

Seto, M. C., Cantor, J. M., & Blanchard, R. (2006). Child pornography offenses are a valid diagnostic indicator of pedophilia. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 115, 610–615.
doi: 10.1037/0021-843X.115.3.610

Because sex doll cases are rare, the equivalent research about that kind of possession has not been done. I would predict (and I think most sex researchers would predict) that possessing child sex dolls would be an effective indicator of pedophilia. So, within the world of psychological and psychiatric diagnosis, I would agree with Dr. Peter Collins, the prosecution expert in this case whom the CBC quoted as saying “In my professional opinion, the possession of a sex doll is just another form of depicting a child for a sexual purpose and therefore would meet the criteria for child pornography.”

Whether child sex dolls constitute child porn under the law, however, is the pertinent issue for the courts. Although I am a scientist rather than a policy expert, I believe I can point out that the purpose of child porn laws is to protect children from being harmed in the production of child porn (where the images are themselves evidence of abuse) and to prevent there being a market for child porn. With child sex dolls, however, there is no actual victim being protected, and it does not matter whether there is a market for latex dolls. Although it is very reasonable to conclude that the consumers purchasing sex dolls are genuinely attracted to children, there is no evidence to indicate that sex doll owners are at an elevated level of risk to go on to commit crimes that do involve a victim.

Different jurisdictions use different language in their anti-child porn laws, including different definitions of child porn. The language of such laws can usually be interpreted either way. So, in practice, whether dolls are covered by the laws generally meant for images of real people is up to the courts.

This invites, of course, the question of what one thinks the courts should find. This is now a pure value judgment rather than a scientific question at all. For what it is worth, my personal value judgment is on the side of free speech (however distasteful one might find that speech to be) until there is a compelling societal need for otherwise. Although many child molesters also possess child pornography, it does not appear to work the other way around: Of people who have been apprehended for child porn, very few are found to have molested any children. (In such cases of child porn, investigators attempt to find any children in the porn-possessor’s environment who might have been targeted.) That is, as best as can be found with the current science, there is no compelling need here.

Men who are attracted to children have no healthy outlet for their sex drives, and it will be that way for their entire lives. For someone who did not ask to be pedophilic and who cannot have romantic and sexual relationships like the rest of us, the only outlet they have is masturbation. For society to hamper even that, to me, is cruel when it is in the absence of a demonstrated societal benefit.

Dear Dr. James: I am very ashamed to say I am a pedophile...

I am a 23 year old male.  I dream to have a family, and I work 16 hours a day, 7 days a week to provide for my parents.  I love to help people anyway I can.  I have several people I call best friends and a loving family full of faith.  I never have hate in my heart and even forgave my older cousin for molesting me for so many years, and I humbly see my self as a great person and will never hurt anyone, but I am very ashamed to say I am a pedophile.

For so many years, I have tried countless times, but have always failed.  I have run out of options and am giving up hope. I can not continue to live my life like this. I feel that the only cure for this is death. My will to live is very strong, but I don't know how much more I can take.  I can't move forward in life until I have this problem resolved.  I understand this is a personal problem and I don't have any money.

If I need to move to Canada and get a job out there I will and will participate in any test regardless what the risks are, I will do anything it takes.  What can I do for your help?

David

Hello, David.

I sincerely congratulate you on confronting this so directly.  Very few people have the strength you are showing.  You are not the only one, however.  There is a whole community of people who, like you, have figured out that though no fault of their own, they feel sexual attractions to children, and I want to put you in touch with them.  Although pedophilia is terribly stigmatized, you did not chose it.  That is, there is no reason to feel shame about it.  (Society is starting to become aware of this, but there is still a very long way to go.)

It is true that your life might not be what you were raised to want and expect, but that doesn’t mean you cannot live a happy, fulfilling, and long life.  Therapy can be a wonderful help, at least to people who can afford it and find an appropriate therapist.  The best help, however, often comes from the other people who are in the same boat as you: The Virtuous Pedophiles are a group of people who have realized that they too are sexually oriented to children, and they support each other in dealing with it without ever posing any risk of harm to anyone.  Their anonymous, online billboard is available at www.virped.org.

Finally, I very much appreciate how overwhelming this can feel, especially when first starting to confront it.  If you now, or in the future, genuinely contemplate killing or hurting yourself, I want you immediately to get to the nearest hospital emergency room.  Although I have not been in the same position as you, I have watched many people walk this difficult path.  This, right here, is the very hardest part—it gets easier from here.  To start, read the stories of other virped’s, and see the wide range of things that can help.

I wish you the best of luck.

How do I cure my pedophilia?

I also just ran into that question on Yahoo, and thought it too was worth repeating..:

I am 16, and for years now I have been lusting after girls much younger than me.....Recently, I started lusting after little boys, too....When I see little girls' feet in public, I go back home and masturbate while fantasizing about molesting them.... I would never molest a child, but I want to get rid of these feelings....what should I do?

First, I want to congratulate you on confronting this. It's probably the most difficult type of 'coming out' that there is.

The answer to your question, however, is that there is no known way of turning a pedophile into a nonpedophile. Although there is the occasional claim, there has never been any decent evidence of it. Rather, pedophilia appears to be like a sexual orientation: innate and immutable. 

The best that can be done, and what I recommend for anyone with atypical sexual interests, is to find ways of integrating it into your life in as healthy and safe a way as possible that poses no risks to anyone. 

The male sex drive is a very powerful motivator, and it has led very many people (not just pedophiles) to make very many bad decisions. For some people, sex drive reducing medications (testosterone blockers) can be helpful. That is, some people find that dampening their sex drives is preferable to being constantly distracting by it. For other people, having a professional therapist to debrief with is a great relief. But there is no evidence that we can change the pedophilia itself. 

To help find a therapist experienced in these issues, a referral list is maintained by the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers (www.atsa.com). Although the focus of that group is on people who have committed crimes, the people on their referral list are the best qualified to work with folks who have not. 

You may also find support and great advice from the Virtuous Pedophiles group, at virped.org. They are an organization of people who acknowledge their pedophilia and support each other in never committing offences and in dealing with the extreme stigma that pedophiles face in our society. 

I wish you the best of luck. 

Happy Birthday, Virtuous Pedophiles!

An important, if controversial, new mutual support group just celebrated the first anniversary of its founding. For most people, pedophile is a synonym for child molester, but they are very different things, as the Virtuous Pedophiles demonstrate (www.VirPed.org). 'Pedophilia' refers to the sexual interest in children, whereas 'child molestation' refers to the actual behavior. Despite the common notion that pedophiles are all child molesters in waiting, very many—perhaps even most—pedophiles know they cannot express their sexual interests and work to be celibate, for their lifetimes, with no support from anyone. These are the Virtuous Pedophiles, and they deserve every credit and support we can provide them.

Atypical sex and atypical sex researchers: Who thinks what of whom?

The mainstream media have been remarkable in challenging several of the public (mis-)conceptions about pedophilia. (If nothing else, the public emotionality and the potential implications of pedophilia being a brain phenomenon keep this a very popular, attention-getting topic for the media.) Even more interesting than the public reactions, I think, have been the reactions I’ve received from the actual groups I get to study. I almost wanted to title this post Hate Mail/Fan Mail.

The feedback I receive from pedophilic folks has, in general, fit into two camps. Indeed, the feedback I receive from all the atypical sexuality communities I've done research with has generally fit into two camps: People either love it or hate it, usually depending on whether the findings seem to support what they already believed before they saw the research and on whether they think the findings are flattering or politically useful.

Pedophilia, the brain, and cause-and-effect

One of the questions I commonly receive about MRI research on pedophilia is: How do we know what causes what?  Comparing the brain scans of pedophiles with non-pedophiles gives us a correlation, and correlation does not necessarily mean causation.

It is true that correlation does not equal causation, but that does not mean we are powerless about it either.  To understand how to attack this kind of problem, we need to recall a few important (but pretty rarely discussed) principles of science:

First, no scientific statement will ever be 100% proven.  There is no such thing as a perfect study.  That is, anyone will always be free to reject any result, claiming the lack of perfection of whatever study(ies).

Next is parsimony: Because we cannot prove anything, the best science can do is explicate each of the possibilities and to pick the best answer available. In science, the best means the most parsimonious; that is, the simplest explanation for the data.